I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
