just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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