some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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