How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize