Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
