yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
