If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
