So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
