I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
