The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
