There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
