Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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