peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
