So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
