So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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