i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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