I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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