Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
