I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
