SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
