so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
two words...techno handjob
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize