Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
