Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
