i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
