Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize