Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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