Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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