so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
