A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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