are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
