she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
