No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize