I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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