is your mom at the bar?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you win again, gameday.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
