Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
