Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
