He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
