I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
