my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
