You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
