i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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