dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I need to stop coming to work sober
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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