She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
