youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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