he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
