I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it glows. i had to have it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
