just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
