don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
