Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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