I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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