420 ftw
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
