That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
