We're facebook friends in real life
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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