I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
