Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
