He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize