That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize