I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
