So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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