Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
