at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
