he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would ride that face into the sunset
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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