I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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