Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
