jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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