hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
