I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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